What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 16:59
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Can you explain the meaning of "mint condition" in relation to antiques or collectibles?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So, i spoilt her more .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Vernon Reid on Why Sly and the Family Stone Were the Greatest American Band - Rolling Stone
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
What 10 things have you stopped doing in your life?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I think the readers, may guess!
Why is my elder sister so mean?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He knew the spot.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
What are some effective ways to cope with loss and grief?
He resisted the act ,that day.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Cosmic rings reveal new planet being born | Space photo of the day for June 11, 2025 - Space
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I will be 64.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She wouldn,t have been !
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Fast-Track to Happiness: One Week of Micro-Acts Makes a Difference - Neuroscience News
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
How old is planet Earth? Is it 4.5 billion years old or 6,000 years old?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was 9 years of age.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I write beautiful poetry .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But, we were locked up after school.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
When she asked me how she looked .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
All the time i was locked up.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Comes on , in middle age.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I couldn’t, believe it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I waited trembling.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She was in good health!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im still living with it.
Who then, do I blame.?
One cannot live in the past .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
What did i know ?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She found it foreign!.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was very sick at this time too.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was seconnd youngest,
This is soul school!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I have no regrets .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We were not on the streets..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Was to survive, this bastard.
My life is so biszare .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
It was going to be , some day.
Would this be the day?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So whats the point in blame.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
(And it was in our own minds.)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Ive learnt so much.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She loved him until the end.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And i lived it daily.
We all went to grammer schools
I was scared of men, in general
As i do to all so called friends.?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My family never makes their pension either.
But it wasn’t much.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I don,t even have a pension.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I said to her
My mum and dad in the seventies!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Put me off passion for life!!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I could never make a relationship work though!
She married twice! .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..